Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Mastering LOVE over a Broken Heart

video link > Prequel to blog article> https://youtu.be/SHlCP3gkS3g 


A Broken Heart, WHO CAN BEAR?
http://www.okubil.com/resim/yarali_kalp_resimleri7.jpg

Love is undoubtedly one of the most powerful emotions and feeling that exists on this earth.

You may be asking yourself why Love or so what?
Well it does seem that from time past and up to today, Love is something we have always been fascinated by and have pursued, whether passively or actively. Love is very much part of cultures, races, nations, some species and of course individual peoples themselves. Love dominates powerful entertainment industries from Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood to name but a few. Everyone sure loves a good Romcom and I am certain we can all name our favourite love story. The music industry is also dominated by ideas of Love, be it “falling in or out of love” or the notion of the perfect love. The hippie movement was founded on “free love” with success of bands like the Beatles in that era. We are all fascinated by celebrities’ love lives and consequently the most popular ones are the ones who find love with other celebrities.

To look at Love and why I sense this is an important topic to discuss, we need to try and define it. I will also explore briefly what Love is from the academic point of view even though I am no professor. In the latter part of this article I will go more into heartbreak, but hey let’s start with the good first.

The Oxford dictionary describes Love as: a strong feeling of affection.

1. Usually towards another person
Or
2. towards something

Of course there are many ways to describe Love but I will focus on the Love that “we all yearn for “as human beings.

v  We either want LOVE and desire to have LOVE.
v  Some want to give LOVE.
v  We all have experienced LOVE (negatively or positively) or long to experience LOVE

LOVE can lead to euphoria and ultimately satisfy our inner being. Some people judge their total satisfaction based on whether they have love or have not.
Love has been studied and many philosophers, religious leaders, psychologists have written about it with theories having been developed based on the human beings need for love. Plato the Greek philosopher addressed love and the idea of a “soul mate”. Abraham Maslow the psychologist identified that Love is an important factor in the journey   to reach a person’s full potential in life. According to Maslow it is impossible to reach your full potential when LOVE is not incorporated, as for there to be esteem; Love needs have to been fulfilled first.

See Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:



To sum it up from the philosophers and psychologists perspective:

Plato’s idea is that there is someone out there for everyone, is what keeps everyone searching for adoration and love. We as a society are taught, from the very beginning , that love is real, our soul mates are out there , and ultimately we will find one who makes us complete and whole .(Chapman .2011)Maslow’s notion was that people have a need for intimate relationships, love, affection and belonging so as to overcome feelings of aloneness and alienation. Maslow identified in his work the importance of having a family and a home and being part of identifiable groups (www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html).

In recent times a more modern  philosopher Michael Boylan states love as an action and he further expounds on the fact that love as a concept leads us to change and grow as human beings. He says “love is a powerful motivator for being good. Boylan mentions visible human actions such as “organ donation” to loved ones or strangers etc. I particularly love this statement in his book that Love is an impetus for good and embodies the human spirit (Boylan. 2008).Robert Rowland Smith another modern philosopher concluded that in biblical tradition, Love can in turn be subdivided into friendship (Philia) and spiritual or emotional love (Agape). Smith. 2010.

WHY LOVE?
This has been a subject, topic, phenomenon, whatever you want to call it that God strongly laid on my heart to write about and address as there is a misconception in the world that is present in this current age about LOVE.

You will wonder why I started looking at Love from the world’s perspective, Well, I need to do that to show you how this topic matters to the world and how it is an even Bigger Agenda from God’s heart to the world. It is not by sheer coincidence that LOVE has been studied in time past and up to today remains a topic of interest. I truly believe I will not be blaspheming if I say Love “intrigues us and also eludes us all”. Picture Romeo and Juliet if you want to conjure how powerful a force love is with both intrigue and elusion from literature or in reality Bonnie and Clyde. Most historians believe Bonnie joined Clyde because she was “in love”. She remained a loyal companion to Clyde as they carried out their crime spree and both awaited their inevitable doomed ending. Their love meant they were willing to die together even for a bad course.

·         Would any of you sanely choose to die for your lover?

·         Would you with all mental sanity and capacity choose to die for a stranger?

·         Would you die for a friend or a family member?

I think I can safely conclude that Love is a part of us whether we experience it or not. We all desire it whether we understand it or not. Love can be tangible as in visibly seen or intangible but felt in our inner being.

LOVE is experienced and expressed in various forms. The Greek language was very rich in expressions of Love which I will outline below.

Agape:  is unconditional, sacrificial love. It is selfless love, a love that is passionately committed to the well-being of another person. In a nutshell Gods Love for mankind or what humans beings share during national tragedies, plagues or natural disasters and compels them to give love.

Philia: the bond of love between friends, co-workers etc. Aristotle described philia as mutual love. It is a necessary means to be happy as one chooses to love their friends. It can be quite un-natural as it is formed through bonding together. Philia love can also end.

Storge: This is the love usually expressed by parents to their children, within families and exceptional friends. This love causes us to feel secure and comfortable. Couples can experience this kind of Love. This love is committed to its cause.

Eros: This is romantic love or intimate love which can be euphoric in nature. It focusses on the self. Eros love is what is sold to US by the media and entertainment industry. It can be sexual only in nature without the storge, philia and agape. It is the love that can get us into trouble and I might add that it is “immature love”.

The other types of Love such as Pragma (enduring love), Phalautia (self-respect) and Ludus “butterfly feeling when in love” are not discussed here. You can look into them for your own self-interest.  
                                                                    (Seven Kinds of Love #southbankoflove).


ORIGINS OF LOVE 
You may or may not be a follower of God .You either believe in Jesus, disbelieve in him or are intrigued by the man Jesus, but please hang on and see Gods original idea of Love. Judge for yourselves the world view of love and Gods view of love with regards to human beings. I am passionate about this topic as some of my greatest errors and mistakes in life are mainly related to love and how I experienced it. Through revelation, I discovered the mind-sets about love that I had which held me captive to a false notion of love.
Ok here we go into this journey >>>>>> follow me along to fascinating discoveries.
In the Bible, a writer named John wrote about Gods plan for mankind and our keyword is in that verse. It says,

For GOD so LOVED the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Yeah God loved us so what? You may be saying. Deny it or accept it but Love came from God.  As I spoke about earlier in my previous blog about our true identity being in God as we are Gods creation, Love was also created by God. It is not an earth or human notion. In fact our failures are because we do not have the love given to us by the Love Master and Love giver himself, GOD.

Human beings are created in the image of God. You may ask how, well God created us with a human spirit which is our inner being as God is a spirit himself. We do not see God but can experience him in our spirit just like we feel love subjectively as another person cannot feel it how we experience it. God was also a man in Jesus Christ with like feelings and emotions like us so we experience feelings and emotions too. God created us with his very nature of Love and as he expressed his nature of love for us, we too desire to express his nature of love towards one another and to find someone to love.“God is love” 1 John 4:8 and he demonstrated his love for us through the sacrificial death of his own Son Jesus Christ for us to be reconciled back to him and experience his love again.  I am sure you have all heard of “separation anxiety” where children separated from their parents struggle to fit in and accept being loved. It is the same thing, you cannot fully walk in total Love and embrace love from others without experiencing all of God’s love who is our Father  in you. Every other love will always be a counterfeit of the GODs Love.

 You see the world, since the fall of man (for another topic) caused this earth to experience a darkness  that brought sin, hatred and all things that do not pertain to love on this earth. God never intended for us to be driven by hate as that is not his nature. Gods’ nature is love. The world needed redemption, a way to save us from the bonds of darkness and hatred. God through time tried to see if man can save themselves but each time our human weaknesses always prevented man from achieving this. I can only ask you the following and be honest with yourself as you answer,

1.    Are you always able to love sacrificially, unconditionally to every living person known to you, that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for them?

2.    Are you able to love selfishly when there is no gain or reward for you at the end?

3.    Are you able to give love without judging, especially where the person has wronged you or perhaps love a marginalised person?

4.    Are you not challenged with giving love at times, as you may not feel it?

5.    Are you able to love others especially where you grew up without being told you are loved or never being good enough?

6.    Do you experience love fully to the extend you desire it or you have had to compromise yourself each time just so that you get love? Is it real love?

God loved all of us as we are his creation. God as a father wanted to reunite IN LOVE with his children and therefore sacrificed his BELOVED son for our greater good.  God Loved us and we can only be truly fulfilled in the love walk (with all peoples), if we know and understand HIS love. God’s love is greater as it LOVES without measure and loved us as we are. Gods love never discriminates.

To Love we have to be giving of ourselves which causes us to become vulnerable. Vulnerability can bring weakness, so we need to know why we are choosing to love and understand where our own love feelings are, so we can shield ourselves from the risks of being vulnerable when giving love. To love involves our minds first but when it translates into our hearts “we start to experience” the reality of love and this is why we are most vulnerable. Logic can truly escape us.God calls us to love him first.  As humans we have replaced the Love of God with material things, things that do not last. When these things are no longer there or no longer satisfy us, what do we do? Most people fill unfulfilled as that which they loved, either let them down, did not go as planned or sadly did not love them back. Most people’s reactions are either:

      Sadness, anger, hurt, heartbreak, loneliness and for some revenge seeking depending on the love lost.

The world has taught us to always be searching for love in things, objects, jobs, other people, relationships, status etc. So we have all learned that when we need love, we need to fill a void and find something to make us happy. Since when did happiness equate with Love? The world’s solution is usually things that corrupt our hearts and minds even more. Some use sex as a tool to look for love and sadly it usually does not work and leaves an even bigger void as ‘Eros love’ builds a false connection that never lasts unless it is tested and matures to philia, agape and storge.God has shown me in my own life and my own mistakes in love that to experience true love; we have to know HIM first and through knowing HIM we will know:

Ø  How to love ourselves first, whether we are loved by others or not. You cannot truly appreciate love and experience it if you do not love yourself.  It is very difficult to convince someone that they are loved if they think they are unlovable.

Ø  How to love others. You can only truly love others when you experience the value and worth of love in you and in others. As I said it makes us vulnerable, so to love others one has to be able to overcome the vulnerabilities of being rejected but continue to walk in love towards others.


Ø  Know what love is when we see it and encounter it, to avoid the pitfalls and vulnerabilities of getting our love abused or taken for granted. Love is not manipulative and one can smell “love abuse “ from afar once they know that love is selfless and self-giving and run for it where love is used with blackmail, dominance and manipulation.

Ø  Know where to find love that is satisfying, Agape love.  To all ladies, you do not need to sleep with him to show him that you love him. That should tell you there is no love there.  Friends who truly love will be there even when you are at your lowest ebb.

The real issue is that we have all placed our trust and hope for LOVE in worldly perishable things and in other people. Unfortunately it has resulted in being the major cause of most of our hearts being broken and cause of our dissatisfaction.  Unfulfilled love, whether not met in childhood or through general love abuse is now one of the major reasons for our sadness, loneliness and unhappiness. Heartbreak itself produces emotions that are either good but mostly bad as in general heartbreak is a negative feeling.  Strongholds that hinder progressing in our love walk are often formed from this. Typically heartbreak produces these types of emotions:

       Rejection, resentment , hurt, anger, sadness, feeling numb, bitterness, unforgiveness, apathy, depression and lack of hope or lack of belief in finding love again, heartache, anxiety and an uncomfortable feeling of ‘a lump in your throat/chest’ and I experienced a ‘pit in my stomach too.’

Who can deny that there is a wounding to our souls the centre of our emotions that our brain can’t help but logically form strongholds as a protective mechanism, because who wants to get hurt again? If you have experienced hurt before you understand what I am writing about. Strongholds are developed when we replay these emotions and it perpetuates negativity within us. This robs us and takes away our joy, peace and happiness. We feel so alone, unwanted and rejected and it is uncomfortable believe you, me. At times others go find something else to suppress the heartbreak by fulfilling fleshly desires again which are temporary.  Some people lose their self-worth that they mistake love even when others start to abuse them just so they feel wanted and as if they belong. I did once misunderstand a break up and after that dated someone I really did not even want to date so that I was not lonely.  I knew this person was not good for me but so long as they filled the void in my heart for a while it was ok. Well, 1 day I made a choice to be real with myself and the journey to love myself began and of course you can guess how my false love relationship ended.

Beware of the above as I know plenty of people caught up in this vicious cycle of  I need love →heartbreak occurs → more love please and never get to fully love and appreciate themselves. Some get so disappointed they never view love positively again. Have you not met someone who is always thinking everyone is out to hurt them even when you genuinely loved them? That’s a hurting person right there with a major stronghold. You may believe that by chasing for happiness  or looking for it in other people, romantic relationships, jobs, drugs and alcohol, sex and possessions  will fulfil you as that is what media and the entertainment industry sell to you and hey if you do hopefully it will last and not disappoint. Unfortunately most people I meet are never satisfied as familiarity with these things causes a temporary contentment which leads to dissatisfaction eventually or boredom. We often then need a new fix to chase after.

What God has put in my heart is that we are his people and respond to his nature of love much better than the “fickle” love of the world. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture (Psalm 100 verse 3).  We need to identify with the love of God first, experience it and LAVISH in it before we can truly give out love to others and receive as well. In God’s love there is no heartbreak. Our own desires and lusts often lead to our heartbreak and yet we blame God. If we took a good look at ourselves and were brave enough to admit it, when by instinct we knew that someone or some friends or people who purported to love us were not genuine but we still ignored the warning and carried on with them. How can God be to blame then when you chose to continue in what was doomed to fail despite the still small voice of your God given human spirit telling you to back off.

All of us are guilty of replacing our first love which is God the Father. I reiterate again, we are created to LOVE GOD first and only he can fill that love seeking void within us. Searching for the love that only God can perfect in us in the wrong places often leads to our heartbreak. That which we love is usually something we become vulnerable to and therefore has power over our emotions. Well, God is saying until we break ourselves from chasing, following and filling our hearts with the wrong things then we shall face the consequences that will result from this. God is calling us to know him FIRST. He gave us free will as a gift because he is not a manipulator by nature. God allows us to choose to know him and discover what his plan for our lives is. Some ask why give us free will? because God is love and love does not force itself on a person. We have to willingly come to love him and accept him. The English saying “where there is a will there is always a way” means If you are willing to know God, Love him and let him direct your love walk, you will also pay most attention to it and you will believe in it.God is calling us to:

Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6 verse 33

The first 2 commandments even before Jesus came underpin God and his very nature of love. The fundamentals never changed. It’s through loving him first that you truly can walk in love for self and for others. Walking in love towards others is a big challenge and only the Love of God in us can help us do this. Most people say ‘but I love my partner and don’t need God’, but if I ask them if they can love their enemy they do state it is impossible or difficult. In fact they give reasons why they cannot love their enemy or those that hurt them. Well, that’s the difference as Jesus even loved those that put him to death and died for all men so we can experience the love of God and give it to those that also hurt us. The Love of God in Jesus Christ his son gave to the world without receiving. Think on that? Very profound  act of love indeed.  
      
In Him is total fulfilment.
In him is the fullness of joy.
In him is the peace that surpasses all understanding.

He promises us victory over our emotions. He promises to heal our past hurts and to help us with future hurts so we conquer all negative feelings and emotions. We will not be in bondage or enslaved to them again. He gives us a hope. God is saying do not struggle on your own. He knew you from creation and he has great plans for you. Come to him and he will gladly restore you to Love and be loved again. You will have joy and peace and never struggle for love by being sorrowful. To believe again for that which you caused you heartbreak and not fear it. You will learn to love again, love yourself and others and never be afraid of the heartbreak. God’s love overcomes rejection and it is bigger than any rejection you have ever faced. Give yourself to God and embrace his total love.
I always recommend getting to a good spirit filled church where they believe in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Get established in it and aim to make the right friends who have the love of God in them which does not seek to gain or manipulate you. If you have been searching for love from a woman or a man and you are either not fully receiving it or don’t know yourself or love yourself, STOP IT! now. Wake up and smell the truth, time to stop pretending and get real.  Have courage to go and seek the Love of God first and in time God will show you the right lover for you once he has lavished his love on you. Believe me I walked this journey, painfully at times but I have survived through God and learned to love myself and love those who did hurt me.


If you have been touched by this or identify with this please pray this prayer with me.

Father God, I come to you in Jesus mighty name and I want to give thanks that you first loved me. I ask for your forgiveness, loving mercy and kindness when I loved everything else but you. I acknowledge now that it was you that I was seeking in my soul, mind and body and RIGHT now I ask to receive you fully as my Lord and saviour in the name of Jesus. I repent of my old ways and accept that your son Jesus died for me and on the third day rose again to sit at your throne so that I am reconciled to you. Lavish me with your love and bountiful goodness in my spirit man and as I grow in knowledge and pursuit of you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Biblical Verses on Love
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with thy entire mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. Mark 12 vs 30

The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these." Mark 12 vs 31

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. I John 4 vs 7

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John  2 vs 15.

No man has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his perfect love is perfected in us. 1 John 4 vs 12.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear: because fear torments. He that fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4 vs 18

We love him because he first loved us 1 John 4 vs 19

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. Romans 8 vs 39.

Let Love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Romans 12 vs 9

Love does no wrong to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law( the 10 commandments). Romans 13 vs 10

And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that ye might ne filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3 vs 19

Everything you do should be done in Love. 1 Corinthians 16 vs 14 (NET version)

If I give away everything I own, and if I give over my body in order to boast, but do not have love, I receive no benefit. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 3 (NET version).

Just as my Father loved me, I have also loved you; remain in my love. John 15 vs 9. Jesus’ words.

Resources  and  References:

Michael Boylan. 2008. The Good, the True and the Beautiful: A Quest for Meaning. Continuum International Publishing Group. London.
Heather M, Chapman. 2011. Love: A Biological, Psychological and Philosophical
Study. University of Rhode Island Digital Commons@URI (online copy).

William, Shakespeare, W. 1964. The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. Bryant, J.A. (Ed.). New York, NY.Signet.

Robert, R. Smith. 2009. Breakfast with Socrates. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Love can change the world. The seven kinds of Love. Southbank Centre. (http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whatson/festivals-series/festival-of-love/the-seven-kinds-of-love).


 A good inspirational song that just confirms Gods love for us. ENJOY.


P.S. In the blog about True Identity , I later uploaded a really good song to that basically said my message in 4 minutes or so. Go back to see the video and learn to sing songs that aid in positive mind renewal.

God bless you all.
Love From
Fatima Denga.















Tuesday, 28 April 2015

True Identity: TOTAL freedom from being bound by the clutches of a false identity.

True Identity: The Blueprint of Christ

For many years I lived life based on what would be acceptable when seen by others as opposed to what was true in my heart. I lived life comparing myself to expectations of me based on what the current trend was, what the ‘in thing’ was and trying to please someone or something.
Through my years of confusion and seeking to find who I really was, God has shown me that there is a big FACADE in this world which is destroying His beloved people. It has crept in like a virus seeks to copy its host until it destroys its host. The host is usually weakened gradually as the virus invades their cells. The virus of pretence (A LIE) which is not from God and is not part of his character, but has been created by the world itself ,is now spreading and plaguing our society resulting in :

·         Sadness
·         Loneliness
·         Addictions/bad habits
·         Hopelessness/ worthlessness
·         A feeling of emptiness
·         Unhappiness/ low self esteem
·         Feeling lost
·         Burnout/ insecurity
·         Depression.

Just as We would physically want to remedy any viral infection attacking our physical bodies and are seen externally e.g. Influenza virus.  We need to develop a remedy in our inner man and be willing to put up a fight to rid ourselves of internal viruses that want to alter our true DNA (identity) and ultimately destroy who we are. God showed me that if he gave us ‘Superman eyes’ and we had X-ray vision; we would indeed try and repair the internal damage happening inside. Some of us will even try to hide as we would not want to see our true self or reveal it to others.


We all learn to pretend from a young age and we all learn to put confidence in:

o   What  our life looks like when others see us(who do I date, single or married)
o   What job we do
o   What friends we have, how many etc
o   How we socialise and who we socialise with
o   What possessions do we have (car, clothes, house, money ,where I live etc)
o   How many social media friends/followers do I have
o   Our physical appearance etc (yes people trust in this).
God has shown me that the issue is that we have ALL placed our trust, hope and security in worldly material things and in other people. We are so blinded by commercialism and its drive to make us become lovers of ourselves and live a life of instant gratification of ‘ME, ME, ME and I need, I need’ then I will be happy and complete. Unfortunately all these things are bound to FAIL and our hope in them also then fails. A good example is the loss suffered by many people during the recession. Who knew that the major banks would fail and that relying on money alone or savings could eventually fail. Too many examples of world systems failing and If it did not scare you at the time or make you wonder then ‘you must have it all figured.’

As I talked about in the video that being a teenager left me confused in who I was. Think about it for a moment, have you not felt bombarded by voices from the world (media, music, television etc.)? Have you not had friends telling you what you should be or how you should be to remain their friend, a family that gives you an identity and expected character or having a partner who also tells you what you need to be so that HE/SHE will love you or religion telling you what makes you acceptable even when you are still unsure about it. This continued into my adult life until I came to the revelation of my True Identity.

I tried everything the world says is OK to do, just do it. Do what you want, when you want and how you want. If you feel like doing it, do it as long as you are not hurting anyone. It is your right after all. I did it by accepting the so called things that will lead me to happiness. The world really teaches us to be SELFISH and to look after Number 1. To satisfy the “things seen externally on us” while hiding the emptiness inside. Unfortunately these things are not the REAL you. If they were YOU, you would have been born with all of them in place but the real you came into this world naked, without awareness of the world or having personal possessions. The other reality is also that YOU will leave this world with nothing, albeit with some clothes to give you a dignified earth departure.  All you acquired and possess unfortunately will remain here on this earth.
                                  
I decided to create my own plan to achieving that success that the world demands and judges us by. I got myself into a relationship and had perfection as a criterion (the man had to be visibly physically handsome otherwise it was not OK). I had several friends even if I knew they are not in my life to complement my wellbeing. I attempted to please my family even when pleasing them was hiding a reality about my own inner sadness. I went on several holidays hoping to find peace and tranquillity that would be long lasting. I went to several parties, nightclubs, bars etc. I practised ‘you only live once’ (YOLO) while out with friends and drank and got drunk even though I never felt good about getting drunk. I smoked  when out with some friends as It seemed extremely rebellious and made me look cool especially to certain friends who I wanted to please and be accepted by. I even had flings with men I knew I had no interest in so I am not single ,lonely  and had casual sex with them to fill  a need for long lasting love which eventually I figured out this was a false notion ( you cannot get Love from SEX). It’s either there or not. I flirted a lot just to get attention so I do not feel lonely and empty even when I knew in my heart I did not want this. After all these things I was STILL EMPTY. In fact the emptiness became even more profound. I felt enslaved to some of these habits/lifestyles and supposed needs. It was extremely profound as each new experience was euphoric but after a while it lost its Wow factor and there was always a craving for the “next best thing.”
I am going to be extremely candid and open with all of you by giving you scenarios to relate to which I believe as God showed me that ‘WE’ have all encountered or experienced.

Scenarios:
‘You have finally been promoted at work or you have now acquired several possessions. To everyone on the outside you have it all. You got it all sussed but you do not feel complete within yourself. Life is perfection but you do not feel it as there is still an empty void within you.’

‘You have just had amazing sex with someone you are extremely in love with, infatuated with or have a big crush on or your husband/boyfriend/ girlfriend and yet YOU are still empty after it. There is still something missing after …’

‘You have just had an amazing, epic night out and when all finished you are now on your own feeling empty and like there is a void again.’

‘You have just had a good time socialising with friends or family and yet after it all you get is that all too familiar renowned empty feeling again.’ Or better yet, you experience an emptiness arising even while you are with them. I wonder why?

‘You are on an amazing holiday. Everything is great but late at night in your hotel room you still remain empty. This emptiness is even more profound as you return from your holiday.’

You have just got married to the ideal, perfect partner (well according to those who see from the outside) but you still feel empty. Honeymoon is over and reality dawns that I feel empty inside, marriage did not make me whole.

If you relate to any of the above then you are not alone. The emptiness returns to us and we often wonder why. The empty feeling brings sadness to our heart and most of us cannot explain it. If we could investigate scientifically why we feel this way and get a cure I am sure many people would have opted for it. Pharmaceuticals are making money from several anti-depressants and mood enhancers but still this has not eradicated the sadness, loneliness and depression in our society. Use of illegal drugs, mood enhancers and legal highs is rampant in our society but despite the ‘euphoria’ these substances cause it just leads to  more cravings ,to either fill the empty void or achieve a better high until it starts to destroy the person’s life through addiction.

The revelation God gave me is that these things we put our trust in are temporal/ temporary and do not produce a lasting joy, peace, happiness and ultimately a lasting satisfaction. They never make us WHOLE. Just because you see externally does not reveal to you what is going on internally.

Proverbs 14 v 10 says how “each heart knows its own bitterness (sadness) and no stranger shares its joy.” Amplified bible and emphasis added.

I believe that the Truth sets us all free. Living our lives by hiding the things that keep us in bondage only leads to a deeper prison within ourselves and makes it even harder to release them.  As I wrote earlier, these things become like a virus and start to take over our host and ultimately destroy who we are. Identifying the virus allows us to wage a war on the virus, attack it, defeat it and remove it from our inside until a blueprint of Who we are is Formed.

For me personally, there was a knowing that there is something more to this empty feeling and there is a reason I don’t feel myself. I felt like I was an imposter living a life that was prescribed for me. If you have seen the movie called The Matrix I truly felt like the character Neo or like Jim Carrey in the movie The Truman show. I will admit that I felt depressed a lot of the times when this emptiness came but I refused to accept this and chose to find a cure so that I become free in my mind, body and soul. I never required anti-depressants thanks to a Dr who said I did not need them as my issues where situational. I thank God I met this Dr as I would have just masked my issues by taking ‘happy pills’ that make you dependant on them to remain in a ‘state’ of happiness. I do not have a problem with people who take anti-depressants. I may also add that I do know there is a need in some people’s situations to take them. It does not stop me believing that we can conquer those situations that we have identified as a potential to leading to depression by “nipping them in the bud” on time so they die and do not grow. I also personally know people who took anti-depressants and managed to stop taking them and achieved internal joy and wholeness.

A desire to go back to church as ‘I knew’ that’s where they preach about God grew stronger and stronger in me. I did not feel right or correct though as I lived with my boyfriend. How could God accept me when I ‘lived in sin’ and besides I felt judged by other Christians even though I knew God was drawing me back? I felt I needed to be perfect first to go back to God so I wanted to wait to get married first. What a conundrum this was until I eventually decided to go to the church one Sunday morning as the urge inside me was too strong.
While in church, I hid myself as I did not want to talk about myself and my current lifestyle. God being God, knew this so I went whenever I felt the urge to go and in time, I heard these verses which struck a chord in me:-

“God knew you in your mother’s womb” Jeremiah 1 vs 5

God has great plans for you, “for GOOD and not evil, to prosper you and not harm you .To give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29 vs 11

“God wants you to have life and have it in abundantly.”  John 10 vs 10 (2nd part)

“God wants to set you free and free indeed” John 8 vs 36

“God loves you.” John 3 vs 16 & Romans 5 vs 5 [this is affirmed throughout the bible in several places]
                                                                                                    (Bibles verses not quoted verbatim)


As time went on, I started to feel different. I started to believe the above verses so when the emptiness came, I would tell myself those verses until I experienced a joy come upon me. I began to experience a new life (literally). I experienced being alive in myself again. This went beyond any euphoric feeling I got when trying to please myself physically or when trying too hard to please others. The feelings and experiences seemed to reach my internal heart and produced joy.

I felt internally accepted. I felt FREE.I finally felt that “I was MYSELF” even when being ME, did not fit in with everything the world told me to be.  What I looked like stopped being so important, what job I did, what my past and background was and who my friends are or were.

I made a decision to give my life to Jesus Christ in my mind, body and soul. Making this decision is the greatest thing I have done in my life. It was significant as God immediately started to reveal my True identity. God started to show me that:

Ø  He did not create me to feel inferior to anyone

Ø  He did not create me to hate others but to LOVE people(whether they are good or bad)

He created me to FILL myself in HIM and to be happy even if I am alone, single, without friends, not talking to anyone. He taught me to LOVE myself as ‘I am’ in a healthy way. He taught to live in who he says I am and not base my identity on what I have externally or what the world says I am. He taught me to be content and not compare myself with others by basing my expectations through others seen external success.

God is so powerful and does not want any of HIS children (us) living in an ‘internal prison’ within themselves. To the outside world you may have it altogether but inside you feel you are dying or feel enslaved by the world or by habits and thought patterns formed within you.  
God managed to breakthrough “mindsets, fears, insecurities” I had hidden or chose not to expose. My own parent, BFF, BAE never knew and would never know as I locked them securely inside me despite having a strong ulterior. God revealed these areas to me. Why? As no-one is totally free if living a lie or life where you feel trapped even though you no longer want to live this life? An example would be an addiction to pornography (don’t condone it) because if it was good you would freely watch it. Another addiction could be promiscuity even if after you are left feeling worthless and do not want this feeling any-more. You may be stuck in wrong friendships, relationships , tied to jobs we know we no longer fit in but love the lifestyle or have addiction to being acknowledged by people on social media .You have tried to achieve this yourself but you have failed. In fact after trying you became more obsessed or addicted to that negative lie within yourself.

GOD WILL SET YOU FREE as his word promises to do that. Allow him and come as you are, as he is drawing you near to him. He will set you free through the person of the Holy Spirit who lives and dwells within us.  It may embarrass you but the road to internal freedom, peace, joy, hope and victory over people pleasing OR living to “FIT IN” is to acknowledge God and all his fullness.

I come to you as someone who has done many wrongs and have wronged others. in fact as a human being, I am capable of living wrongly if I let go of wisdom. I however, choose to correct those wrongs through Jesus Christ. As he has the power to:

Heal, Mend and repair.
He delivers us and restores us to wholeness and newness.
He promotes us and elevates us .

I come to you as a servant of Jesus Christ who wants to speak the truth in the LOVE of God that loves all mankind. God knew you before you were born and he still knows you, so your being here on earth was not accidental despite your entry into it.
Search deep in your hearts and if you are empty or have a void that has been there for many, many years or a new void which was not satisfied by a relationship, a marriage, a job, friends , an active social life or possessions. I encourage you to ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and fill that void to complete you. I ask you not to use your physical senses
as trusting in them has put us in the place of emptiness in the 1st place. I ask you to go beyond your feelings and say “I want to be loved, accepted and free indeed. I ask the Lord Jesus to fill my heart and to reveal himself to me. If you desire this please say this prayer with me.

  “Lord Jesus I accept you into my heart. I confess with my mouth that you are Lord and the Son of God. I confess that you died for our sins and on the third day rose again.  I ask you to forgive me of my sins and I let go of living to please myself. I ask you to fill my empty heart and void in my soul with you presence. Help me to live fully as you intended for me from the time I was born. Thank you God, for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for the gift of salvation in Jesus Name. Amen

Recommendations:
  1. Go to a Christian bookstore or online book store and buy a bible or download a bible app as this is the word of God. It is useful to buy a guide to reading Gods word or a bible  self-study book
  2. Find a spirit filled, bible believing church so you do not get lost in the world again. Pray about it and ask God to lead you.
  3. Find friends who love God to share with and encourage you in your walk with Christ. Find friends that truly reflect victory in Christ and are walking in total deliverance of the things that kept you in bondage.
  4. Finally start confessing your acceptance of Jesus daily and start believing it. Telling loved ones and someone else helps to affirm your new identity.
I pray God will bless you more and more and share this with others needing to hear the truth which sets them free.
Thank you reading this article.
Love From
Fatima Denga

p.s. more posts to come as I feel led by God
video link.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AIoYuN4FxI

Below is a video of a song I love about seeking a True Identity.