True Identity: TOTAL freedom from being bound by the clutches of a false identity.

True Identity: The Blueprint of Christ

For many years I lived life based on what would be acceptable when seen by others as opposed to what was true in my heart. I lived life comparing myself to expectations of me based on what the current trend was, what the ‘in thing’ was and trying to please someone or something.

Through my years of confusion and seeking to find who I really was, God has shown me that there is a big FACADE in this world which is destroying His beloved people. It has crept in like a virus seeks to copy its host until it destroys its host. The host is usually weakened gradually as the virus invades their cells. The virus of pretence (A LIE) which is not from God and is not part of his character, but has been created by the world itself ,is now spreading and plaguing our society resulting in :

·         Sadness

·         Loneliness

·         Addictions/bad habits

·         Hopelessness/ worthlessness

·         A feeling of emptiness

·         Unhappiness/ low self esteem

·         Feeling lost

·         Burnout/ insecurity

·         Depression.

Just as We would physically want to remedy any viral infection attacking our physical bodies and are seen externally e.g. Influenza virus.  We need to develop a remedy in our inner man and be willing to put up a fight to rid ourselves of internal viruses that want to alter our true DNA (identity) and ultimately destroy who we are. God showed me that if he gave us ‘Superman eyes’ and we had X-ray vision; we would indeed try and repair the internal damage happening inside. Some of us will even try to hide as we would not want to see our true self or reveal it to others.

We all learn to pretend from a young age and we all learn to put confidence in:

o   What  our life looks like when others see us(who do I date, single or married)

o   What job we do

o   What friends we have, how many etc

o   How we socialise and who we socialise with

o   What possessions do we have (car, clothes, house, money ,where I live etc)

o   How many social media friends/followers do I have

o   Our physical appearance etc (yes people trust in this).

God has shown me that the issue is that we have ALL placed our trust, hope and security in worldly material things and in other people. We are so blinded by commercialism and its drive to make us become lovers of ourselves and live a life of instant gratification of ‘ME, ME, ME and I need, I need’ then I will be happy and complete. Unfortunately all these things are bound to FAIL and our hope in them also then fails. A good example is the loss suffered by many people during the recession. Who knew that the major banks would fail and that relying on money alone or savings could eventually fail. Too many examples of world systems failing and If it did not scare you at the time or make you wonder then ‘you must have it all figured.’

As I talked about in the video that being a teenager left me confused in who I was. Think about it for a moment, have you not felt bombarded by voices from the world (media, music, television etc.)? Have you not had friends telling you what you should be or how you should be to remain their friend, a family that gives you an identity and expected character or having a partner who also tells you what you need to be so that HE/SHE will love you or religion telling you what makes you acceptable even when you are still unsure about it. This continued into my adult life until I came to the revelation of my True Identity.

I tried everything the world says is OK to do, just do it. Do what you want, when you want and how you want. If you feel like doing it, do it as long as you are not hurting anyone. It is your right after all. I did it by accepting the so called things that will lead me to happiness. The world really teaches us to be SELFISH and to look after Number 1. To satisfy the “things seen externally on us” while hiding the emptiness inside. Unfortunately these things are not the REAL you. If they were YOU, you would have been born with all of them in place but the real you came into this world naked, without awareness of the world or having personal possessions. The other reality is also that YOU will leave this world with nothing, albeit with some clothes to give you a dignified earth departure.  All you acquired and possess unfortunately will remain here on this earth.

                                  

I decided to create my own plan to achieving that success that the world demands and judges us by. I got myself into a relationship and had perfection as a criterion (the man had to be visibly physically handsome otherwise it was not OK). I had several friends even if I knew they are not in my life to complement my wellbeing. I attempted to please my family even when pleasing them was hiding a reality about my own inner sadness. I went on several holidays hoping to find peace and tranquillity that would be long lasting. I went to several parties, nightclubs, bars etc. I practised ‘you only live once’ (YOLO) while out with friends and drank and got drunk even though I never felt good about getting drunk. I smoked  when out with some friends as It seemed extremely rebellious and made me look cool especially to certain friends who I wanted to please and be accepted by. I even had flings with men I knew I had no interest in so I am not single ,lonely  and had casual sex with them to fill  a need for long lasting love which eventually I figured out this was a false notion ( you cannot get Love from SEX). It’s either there or not. I flirted a lot just to get attention so I do not feel lonely and empty even when I knew in my heart I did not want this. After all these things I was STILL EMPTY. In fact the emptiness became even more profound. I felt enslaved to some of these habits/lifestyles and supposed needs. It was extremely profound as each new experience was euphoric but after a while it lost its Wow factor and there was always a craving for the “next best thing.”

I am going to be extremely candid and open with all of you by giving you scenarios to relate to which I believe as God showed me that ‘WE’ have all encountered or experienced.

Scenarios:

‘You have finally been promoted at work or you have now acquired several possessions. To everyone on the outside you have it all. You got it all sussed but you do not feel complete within yourself. Life is perfection but you do not feel it as there is still an empty void within you.’

‘You have just had amazing sex with someone you are extremely in love with, infatuated with or have a big crush on or your husband/boyfriend/ girlfriend and yet YOU are still empty after it. There is still something missing after …’

‘You have just had an amazing, epic night out and when all finished you are now on your own feeling empty and like there is a void again.’

‘You have just had a good time socialising with friends or family and yet after it all you get is that all too familiar renowned empty feeling again.’ Or better yet, you experience an emptiness arising even while you are with them. I wonder why?

‘You are on an amazing holiday. Everything is great but late at night in your hotel room you still remain empty. This emptiness is even more profound as you return from your holiday.’

You have just got married to the ideal, perfect partner (well according to those who see from the outside) but you still feel empty. Honeymoon is over and reality dawns that I feel empty inside, marriage did not make me whole.

If you relate to any of the above then you are not alone. The emptiness returns to us and we often wonder why. The empty feeling brings sadness to our heart and most of us cannot explain it. If we could investigate scientifically why we feel this way and get a cure I am sure many people would have opted for it. Pharmaceuticals are making money from several anti-depressants and mood enhancers but still this has not eradicated the sadness, loneliness and depression in our society. Use of illegal drugs, mood enhancers and legal highs is rampant in our society but despite the ‘euphoria’ these substances cause it just leads to  more cravings ,to either fill the empty void or achieve a better high until it starts to destroy the person’s life through addiction.

The revelation God gave me is that these things we put our trust in are temporal/ temporary and do not produce a lasting joy, peace, happiness and ultimately a lasting satisfaction. They never make us WHOLE. Just because you see externally does not reveal to you what is going on internally.

Proverbs 14 v 10 says how “each heart knows its own bitterness (sadness) and no stranger shares its joy.” Amplified bible and emphasis added.

I believe that the Truth sets us all free. Living our lives by hiding the things that keep us in bondage only leads to a deeper prison within ourselves and makes it even harder to release them.  As I wrote earlier, these things become like a virus and start to take over our host and ultimately destroy who we are. Identifying the virus allows us to wage a war on the virus, attack it, defeat it and remove it from our inside until a blueprint of Who we are is Formed.

For me personally, there was a knowing that there is something more to this empty feeling and there is a reason I don’t feel myself. I felt like I was an imposter living a life that was prescribed for me. If you have seen the movie called The Matrix I truly felt like the character Neo or like Jim Carrey in the movie The Truman show. I will admit that I felt depressed a lot of the times when this emptiness came but I refused to accept this and chose to find a cure so that I become free in my mind, body and soul. I never required anti-depressants thanks to a Dr who said I did not need them as my issues where situational. I thank God I met this Dr as I would have just masked my issues by taking ‘happy pills’ that make you dependant on them to remain in a ‘state’ of happiness. I do not have a problem with people who take anti-depressants. I may also add that I do know there is a need in some people’s situations to take them. It does not stop me believing that we can conquer those situations that we have identified as a potential to leading to depression by “nipping them in the bud” on time so they die and do not grow. I also personally know people who took anti-depressants and managed to stop taking them and achieved internal joy and wholeness.

A desire to go back to church as ‘I knew’ that’s where they preach about God grew stronger and stronger in me. I did not feel right or correct though as I lived with my boyfriend. How could God accept me when I ‘lived in sin’ and besides I felt judged by other Christians even though I knew God was drawing me back? I felt I needed to be perfect first to go back to God so I wanted to wait to get married first. What a conundrum this was until I eventually decided to go to the church one Sunday morning as the urge inside me was too strong.

While in church, I hid myself as I did not want to talk about myself and my current lifestyle. God being God, knew this so I went whenever I felt the urge to go and in time, I heard these verses which struck a chord in me:-

“God knew you in your mother’s womb” Jeremiah 1 vs 5

God has great plans for you, “for GOOD and not evil, to prosper you and not harm you .To give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29 vs 11

“God wants you to have life and have it in abundantly.”  John 10 vs 10 (2^nd part)

“God wants to set you free and free indeed” John 8 vs 36

“God loves you.” John 3 vs 16 & Romans 5 vs 5 [this is affirmed throughout the bible in several places]

                                                                                                    (Bibles verses not quoted verbatim)

As time went on, I started to feel different. I started to believe the above verses so when the emptiness came, I would tell myself those verses until I experienced a joy come upon me. I began to experience a new life (literally). I experienced being alive in myself again. This went beyond any euphoric feeling I got when trying to please myself physically or when trying too hard to please others. The feelings and experiences seemed to reach my internal heart and produced joy.

I felt internally accepted. I felt FREE.I finally felt that “I was MYSELF” even when being ME, did not fit in with everything the world told me to be.  What I looked like stopped being so important, what job I did, what my past and background was and who my friends are or were.

I made a decision to give my life to Jesus Christ in my mind, body and soul. Making this decision is the greatest thing I have done in my life. It was significant as God immediately started to reveal my True identity. God started to show me that:

Ø  He did not create me to feel inferior to anyone

Ø  He did not create me to hate others but to LOVE people(whether they are good or bad)

He created me to FILL myself in HIM and to be happy even if I am alone, single, without friends, not talking to anyone. He taught me to LOVE myself as ‘I am’ in a healthy way. He taught to live in who he says I am and not base my identity on what I have externally or what the world says I am. He taught me to be content and not compare myself with others by basing my expectations through others seen external success.

God is so powerful and does not want any of HIS children (us) living in an ‘internal prison’ within themselves. To the outside world you may have it altogether but inside you feel you are dying or feel enslaved by the world or by habits and thought patterns formed within you.  

God managed to breakthrough “mindsets, fears, insecurities” I had hidden or chose not to expose. My own parent, BFF, BAE never knew and would never know as I locked them securely inside me despite having a strong ulterior. God revealed these areas to me. Why? As no-one is totally free if living a lie or life where you feel trapped even though you no longer want to live this life? An example would be an addiction to pornography (don’t condone it) because if it was good you would freely watch it. Another addiction could be promiscuity even if after you are left feeling worthless and do not want this feeling any-more. You may be stuck in wrong friendships, relationships , tied to jobs we know we no longer fit in but love the lifestyle or have addiction to being acknowledged by people on social media .You have tried to achieve this yourself but you have failed. In fact after trying you became more obsessed or addicted to that negative lie within yourself.

GOD WILL SET YOU FREE as his word promises to do that. Allow him and come as you are, as he is drawing you near to him. He will set you free through the person of the Holy Spirit who lives and dwells within us.  It may embarrass you but the road to internal freedom, peace, joy, hope and victory over people pleasing OR living to “FIT IN” is to acknowledge God and all his fullness.

I come to you as someone who has done many wrongs and have wronged others. in fact as a human being, I am capable of living wrongly if I let go of wisdom. I however, choose to correct those wrongs through Jesus Christ. As he has the power to:

Heal, Mend and repair.

He delivers us and restores us to wholeness and newness.

He promotes us and elevates us .

I come to you as a servant of Jesus Christ who wants to speak the truth in the LOVE of God that loves all mankind. God knew you before you were born and he still knows you, so your being here on earth was not accidental despite your entry into it.

Search deep in your hearts and if you are empty or have a void that has been there for many, many years or a new void which was not satisfied by a relationship, a marriage, a job, friends , an active social life or possessions. I encourage you to ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and fill that void to complete you. I ask you not to use your physical senses

as trusting in them has put us in the place of emptiness in the 1^st place. I ask you to go beyond your feelings and say “I want to be loved, accepted and free indeed. I ask the Lord Jesus to fill my heart and to reveal himself to me. If you desire this please say this prayer with me.

  “Lord Jesus I accept you into my heart. I confess with my mouth that you are Lord and the Son of God. I confess that you died for our sins and on the third day rose again.  I ask you to forgive me of my sins and I let go of living to please myself. I ask you to fill my empty heart and void in my soul with you presence. Help me to live fully as you intended for me from the time I was born. Thank you God, for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for the gift of salvation in Jesus Name. Amen

Recommendations:

1. Go to a Christian bookstore or online book store and buy a bible or download a bible app as this is the word of God. It is useful to buy a guide to reading Gods word or a bible  self-study book
2. Find a spirit filled, bible believing church so you do not get lost in the world again. Pray about it and ask God to lead you.
3. Find friends who love God to share with and encourage you in your walk with Christ. Find friends that truly reflect victory in Christ and are walking in total deliverance of the things that kept you in bondage.
4. Finally start confessing your acceptance of Jesus daily and start believing it. Telling loved ones and someone else helps to affirm your new identity.

I pray God will bless you more and more and share this with others needing to hear the truth which sets them free.

Thank you reading this article.

Love From

Fatima Denga

p.s. more posts to come as I feel led by God
video link.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AIoYuN4FxI

Below is a video of a song I love about seeking a True Identity.